God in the good and the bad

I hold back from writing this because I am not sure if I want it to be told. My only reason to do so is to ask for prayer. I do not like attention or to feel that I am held in a spotlight. I deeply respect people who can sing solos and act on a stage, because I would rather you sit and poke my eyeballs than to do so. I am very comfortable sitting back and watching people. Even then I feel as if I draw unwanted attention to clap loudly or sway to the music or hold my hands up. It is a curse of being a true dork. So here I go....For about three weeks I have had stomach pains. I went and had an Upper GI and it showed a Hiatal hernia and spontaneous reflux. After a few days of taking Nexium I was not relieved and still having pain so I went back. The next day I was scheduled for a CT scan to look for lower digestive problems and cysts on my ovaries.

The day after the CT scan I recieved a call at 11:00 with the results. She told me that it looked like I have a tumor on my pancreas and that they made me an appointment with a surgeon at 12:15. I told her I was to teach a class at 2:00 and she said that they really wanted me to get into the doctor that day. The tone in her voice was evident that I needed to go. The surgeon was more positive and said that it is a posiblility that the spot on my pancreas could even be something that I have had from birth and just a weird thing that is not anything to worry about. Or, it could be a tumor. He did say that a lot of people can develop cysts that are nothing to worry about but the radiologist that read the films did not think it looked like it was just a cyst and was concerned enough that we need to check it out. I also have a 22 mm cyst on my ovary which is nothing of concern.

My next step is that on Wednesday I have an appointment to schedule an endoscopic ultrasound. They will put an endoscope into your stomach that has an ultrasound thingy on it and can better see the spot on my pancreas. He also can biopsy it if it is suspicious. Then, we would go from there.

I covet your prayers. I understand to a small degree that I might have cancer and in the near future have surgery, go through radiation, and possibly chemo treatments. It is also possible that nothing is wrong. That one is not as believable with my symptoms, but it could be nothing major. I do know that I have a true relationship with Christ and can depend on Him to walk with me through whatever the future holds. It may be bad but that does not change who He is or His love for me. I pray nothing is wrong, but more than that I pray to stay in His will though whatever comes.

When I was a teen I knew God's word and I often said and did what I knew to be right. In my heart I was on the fence with God. His word says that we can not be lukewarm. He spits us out of His mouth- Revelation 3:15-16. I wanted God's insurance plan of where I would go if I died, but then wanted to choose my friends and life. I thought God would make my life holy and boring with really dorky friends. I finally came to the end of what I could do and had my life in such misery that He became my only hope. I was ready to do it His way. Is it easy- No. Do you still have problems- Absolutely. But, you have a friend that is there through each and every trial. Each trial produces endurance and discipline and teaches you more about who God is and how much He cares for you. I have that friend and assurance... do you?