Sunday, August 30, 2009

God in the good and the bad


I hold back from writing this because I am not sure if I want it to be told. My only reason to do so is to ask for prayer. I do not like attention or to feel that I am held in a spotlight. I deeply respect people who can sing solos and act on a stage, because I would rather you sit and poke my eyeballs than to do so. I am very comfortable sitting back and watching people. Even then I feel as if I draw unwanted attention to clap loudly or sway to the music or hold my hands up. It is a curse of being a true dork. So here I go....For about three weeks I have had stomach pains. I went and had an Upper GI and it showed a Hiatal hernia and spontaneous reflux. After a few days of taking Nexium I was not relieved and still having pain so I went back. The next day I was scheduled for a CT scan to look for lower digestive problems and cysts on my ovaries.


The day after the CT scan I recieved a call at 11:00 with the results. She told me that it looked like I have a tumor on my pancreas and that they made me an appointment with a surgeon at 12:15. I told her I was to teach a class at 2:00 and she said that they really wanted me to get into the doctor that day. The tone in her voice was evident that I needed to go. The surgeon was more positive and said that it is a posiblility that the spot on my pancreas could even be something that I have had from birth and just a weird thing that is not anything to worry about. Or, it could be a tumor. He did say that a lot of people can develop cysts that are nothing to worry about but the radiologist that read the films did not think it looked like it was just a cyst and was concerned enough that we need to check it out. I also have a 22 mm cyst on my ovary which is nothing of concern.


My next step is that on Wednesday I have an appointment to schedule an endoscopic ultrasound. They will put an endoscope into your stomach that has an ultrasound thingy on it and can better see the spot on my pancreas. He also can biopsy it if it is suspicious. Then, we would go from there.


I covet your prayers. I understand to a small degree that I might have cancer and in the near future have surgery, go through radiation, and possibly chemo treatments. It is also possible that nothing is wrong. That one is not as believable with my symptoms, but it could be nothing major. I do know that I have a true relationship with Christ and can depend on Him to walk with me through whatever the future holds. It may be bad but that does not change who He is or His love for me. I pray nothing is wrong, but more than that I pray to stay in His will though whatever comes.


When I was a teen I knew God's word and I often said and did what I knew to be right. In my heart I was on the fence with God. His word says that we can not be lukewarm. He spits us out of His mouth- Revelation 3:15-16. I wanted God's insurance plan of where I would go if I died, but then wanted to choose my friends and life. I thought God would make my life holy and boring with really dorky friends. I finally came to the end of what I could do and had my life in such misery that He became my only hope. I was ready to do it His way. Is it easy- No. Do you still have problems- Absolutely. But, you have a friend that is there through each and every trial. Each trial produces endurance and discipline and teaches you more about who God is and how much He cares for you. I have that friend and assurance... do you?

20 comments:

Dawn said...

I'll be praying, praying, praying... especially that you'll hold tight to Christ no matter what the outcome!

smilernpb said...

Gosh.

I am thinking of you during this time. I hope that your pains are not cancer-related. Please keep us up to date!

Wishing you all the best for your appointment.

Hugs x

momstheword said...

I'll be praying for you, my friend. It's always a little hard to be in the "waiting room" with God, and not know what He's doing.

But the good thing is that He is in control and you can trust Him, as you said. I know you will let us know and we'll be praying.

Susan B said...

Thank you for sharing with us so we can pray and help you with your burden.. I will be praying for you and that the tests will bring good news.
Thank you also for your testimony..
I will be thinking of you!

Brenda said...

Yes, for sure I'll be praying and believing with you.
And, yes I do have the assurance of salvation through my Lord! Thank you for asking.

Tami said...

I'm praying and praying. I did have a cyst on my ovary one time and it made me really sick. So that could be the cause of all your pain and sickness. So Hopefully the other is just nothing. But I am praying. Let me know how things go.

Dawn said...

PS - I was reminded by someone today that nothing surprises God. He's never shocked. Never caught off-guard. The rug is never jerked out from under Him.

That's a nice thing to think about, isn't it??

Southerner said...

Thank you, ladies. Dawn, it is good to know that nothing surprised God. I honestly am not worried at this point. I do feel a need to get my house in order this week before Thursday because I know that there is a high possibility that as early as Thursday I could be going in for the endoscopic ultrasound and if it is positive I do not know how quickly they have those results and would schedule surgery/treatment. It is funny that the sermon Sunday was titled Worry and his first point was that to be free from worry does not mean you do not plan. It was exactly the thought that I had been thinking and great to have confirmation. I do know and trust whatever path God takes us on that He is there.

GrannySmithGreen said...

Read your comment on The Inspired Room and wanted to stop by and let you know that you are being prayed for. Hoping and praying for the absolute best results. God is with you always--at your kitchen table and the surgeons office. Thinking of you.

Sherrie said...

Read your comment over at the Inspired Room. My husband and I are going through a similar situation. Hubby has spent 3 weeks going through scans and has another on thursday this week. And still the doctors just don't know. I am praying for you and please know you are not alone in your journey.
Let us know how things are going.
Sherrie

Michelle said...

Many prayers for you and your family.

Windy said...

will be praying for you - please keep us updated:)

Angie said...

Glad you let us know even though I know it was difficult. We have to know so we can so lots of praying! Thinking of you and praying for good news.

Christy said...

"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,who daily bears our burdens. Selah" Psalm 68:19

Praying for you to receive quick test results. Praying for you to have peace. Praying for you to have wisdom regarding future decisions.

Pinky said...

I came here from the INspired Room. I will be storming Heaven for you that your outcome will be good, but no matter what please know that you will have all of us "out here" praying for you. I will pray that God will hold you in His arms and gently care for you. XO's, Pinky

Rochelle said...

First, you are not a dork. Next, you are being wrapped in prayers. I love you.

Jill_and_Rob said...

I follow your blog for your creative ideas! I don't know you but feel as though I do through reading your posts. I hoping for the best.

Jill

momstheword said...

Yes, my mom moved in with us after my dad died. She's lived here over a year and a half now.

Her health flucuates so sometimes she needs a little more care and other times she's fine and can care for herself.

Still praying for you, my friend!

Susan B said...

Just wanted to tell you that I have kept you in my prayers these past days that you will have peace and strength to take these tests and talk with the doctors..I know you are ready to get it over with and hopefully get good news ..I know you know that God will be with you every step and that is such a wonderful thing..

Southerner said...

Thank you all for your sweet comments and prayers. I had a bad day yesterday as I researched and absorbed what will happen if it is a tumor. I guess it was just a process I had to go through to absorb it b/c today I am back to normal.