Friday, January 23, 2009

How men can avoid shopping

Southerner is still sick so I've hijacked her blog.
For your entertainment, I like this we received from a friend today.

Banned from Wal-mart
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
In the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato Juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'


Marva said...

Feel better soon Holly! I would invite you over and get you back on your feet BUT with the twins having croup, bronchitis and a nasty sinus infection, you're safer at home.

Darryl, this was so funny. I get a kick out of it everytime I see it. I agree completely........leave'm at home.......then they can take care of the kiddos and enjoy the game! LOL!

Keep us posted on Holly!

We miss you Holly!

Butterfly 211 said...

This is so funny. I really love your blog Holly. I have one but I haven't been very diligent with it so I need to get on the ball and work on it. I hope you start to feel better soon and thank you for your help.


Michelle said...

This is really funny...

Hope you feel lots better soon!

Rhonda said...

I stumbled upon your it! I am still laughing at the last post about Men at Wal-Mart. That is toooo funny!!!!

May I have your permission to post it on my blog? Please e-mail me and let me funny! Thanks! Look forward to coming back!

momstheword said...

Holly, I hope you feel better soon! I have never read this before and I actually laughed outloud several times. I am soooo going to have my husband read it!

Thank you for taking the time to help me. I know so little about Google Reader. I know how to read my blogs on it but that's it. How could you see how many subscribers a person has? I've never seen anything like that on there for me or anyone else but I'd love to know how. Thanks!