Monday, March 22, 2010

Where is my desire?

I used to think of every situation as a possible blog post. You take a photo and think you can blog about that. The kids do something and you think that is a great blog post. I don't know what has happened. My drive and desire has gone. It just seems like work. I am sick again. It has been a continual thing for so long. Maybe that is what is wrong with me, I don't know.

I don't read a lot of the blogs in my reader. When St Patrick's Day came and people did post after post of decorating for the holiday. Really? Man, they made wreaths, table decorations, banners, t-shirts, special green food, and many delicious desserts. I took the kids to Target and we wore green - whoo hoo! Now everyone is decorating for Easter and spring. Mine is in the attic. I have a red candle on the table- from Christmas to Valentine decorating. These ladies make me feel like such a failure. I am failing to appreciate the days we have and just getting by. Do you ever feel like that? Like you "have to" or "need to" keep up? I feel like I am behind to just keep laundry done and food ready for the family. I want the joy. Do these people really enjoy all this or do you ever wonder how many are stressing themselves and their families out to do it all?

I really enjoy creating, going to garage sales, and all but never want it to be at the expense of joy in our home. It has to be fun, an addition to our lives, not a drain sucking every last ounce of everything we have. I also wonder if showing things or our home makes anyone feel like they don't have enough. Have you ever looked at blogs and found yourself not satisfied with what you have? Most of the time I see them as a way to gain creative ideas to make do with what I have that I can repurpose but I sometimes find myself thinking that I need more, my space is bland. God has blessed my family much more than I could have ever imagined. We have been given a beautiful home and most of all a healthy family and I hope I never take that for granted or make the things more important than the people and how they feel when here. Maybe I should do a Mr Linky where everyone could post the things they DIDN'T do because it was just too much for them.


Dawn said...

Amen... I get it.

I like decorating for all the little holidays, but sometimes it is too much and I skip it. Or, like this year (and this should make you feel better!), I still have my Christmas dishes in my china cabinet while the rest of the house still has remnants of Valentine's Day. My Valentine's day tub is sitting beside my spring/Easter tub in the garage - waiting for the day I feel like packing up the Valentine stuff and unpacking the Easter stuff. Of course, I should probably put the Christmas dishes away before I even start that, right???

And if you even think I'm kidding about all this... I'm not. Seriously.

Let me know... I'll link up! LOL

Southerner said...

LOL, Dawn! Bless your little heart for enjoying the Christmas dishes for so long =) Thanks for making me feel a little more normal.

Anonymous said...

Hi Southerner,
I have your blog on my reader. I have been reading you for quite a while now. I notice something is wrong or is different. If you are ill, that really could explain it all. I hope you are not depressed. If you are, please get some help. We all have low points. I am doing great now, but in 2006 I went through a month of panic attacks. I got some help, and have been great for a long time now.
You may just be like me, getting older, and not feeling the desire to do some of the fab decorating and such that some of the younger women are doing. I don't know. I hope you are OK, and I do enjoy your blog.

Southerner said...

anonymous- thanks so much for the comments. I have just been sick for so long. I wrote about having Sarcoidosis and ongoing stomach pain/issues and the treatment purposely supressed my immune system to get the Sarcoid symptoms to go away which has left me open to catch colds and everything that comes along. We had Swine Flu last week in our home, and my 3rd child has it now. My lymph nodes in my chest are still and will always be enlarged which causes shortness of breath. I am trying to get my energy built back up. I am not depressed, just zero energy so that leaves little desire. Thank you for your concern I so much appreciate it!

smilernpb said...


Sorry to hear you're poorly again. Life can be hard sometimes with so many things that need doing.

You might need to prioritise and just do what you have to do, everything else can wait.

Take it easy! Hugs xo

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you just need time to get over your ailments, and then I bet your energy will resume. God bless you.
Anonymous again

Patricia L said...

I've had very similar thoughts. Heck, my birthday is on St Patricks Day and I don't even decorate for it. When I started seeing all of these McLinky's for St Pats decorations I thought, "Gosh, maybe I should make something", but then I thought, "Well, maybe I should tackle the mountain of laundry or the never-ending dirty dishes first". :)

Bottom line: You do what you do when you can do it (and only if you want/need to).

Southerner said...

Amen, Patricia! Those clothes will really take over.

Anonymous said...

I wish Hollywood would make a movie about me.The average military wife of 20 plus years who got zip when hubby got caught cheating with the secretary and they let him go with 90 day shy of finishing! After21years of marriage i lived out of a car.Put up with tons of beatings, emotional abuse and even medical abuse.Only to finish with zero retirement too. Military life is more than they portray it to be.All sides should be shown the kids not having toys and pillows because your always moving, because no one can get along with him.Lifeis too short.